I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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