You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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