Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
