we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want nice things and good sex
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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