am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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