so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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