At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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