do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
