Define "chronic" masturbator.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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