At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
