I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
