i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
