I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
