Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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