it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
