i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
