Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
