i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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