I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
