it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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