I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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