Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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