I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
