I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just pee around me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
