It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
