either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
