Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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