WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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