Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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