I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
