found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
