Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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