Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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