so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
