2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
