Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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