4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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