so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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