once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize