this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
