NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
