i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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