I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
