you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
