you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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