You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
