32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
