If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize