Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
