look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
