I hate your face
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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