my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize