; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
