his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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