I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
