ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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