distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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