did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
