I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have fence marks all over my body
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
