i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
