1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
