Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize