my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
