benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
