I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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