love makes seman taste better
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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