Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
