I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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