I'm jealous of your bromance
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
