We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
